Hypocritical Oath

If there's one single bad attribute in a person that I absolutely cannot tolerate, it's hypocrisy. And within that broader category, the tendency to "forget" certain events/one's behaviors in the past for what's convenient at present. Every year around the time of my birthday, (this is how I know I'm getting old), I reflect on the past year through the people that I've spent it with, the good and bad. This time of year usually results in a cleansing of people who arn't a positive influence in my life (with New Years day coming in at a close second), and a realization that I put up with a lot of bullshit probably because I very much want to be a good friend to people who arn't a good friend to begin with.

I'm struggling with a depressing concept that I don't want to accept as truth, but seems to be proving itself time and again, at least within my own circle of acquaintances. People appear to be innately selfish, and when it comes down to it, only look out for number one. They also have a tendency to point out the behaviors in someone else that they displayed only moments, days, weeks or months ago. Not that I see myself as a Martyr, but I tend not to want to point out this hypocrisy at the risk of causing an argument. I'd rather take the blunt of it, all the while knowing that the situation will never get better until something is said.

Of all this, the saying "heavy is the head that wears the crown" repeats in my head - I suppose its well known that being "the bigger person" is the harder road to take. It seems I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't; if I cleanse myself of those negative influences, I'm left with the possibility of loneliness, anger and the resentment of another, or sit silent not being able to say what desperately needs to be said.

And when I do take the position of "I'm not gonna take it anymore!", a few days, weeks or months down the road, when that person is lonely and in need of a friend, I'll be there for them just like I always am, and the cycle will start all over again.