Big Bang Theory

I can't believe it's been a year since the Sunrise Propane explosion in Toronto last year. I remember it like it was yesterday. I can honestly say I didn't experience half of what some of those did who lived in the neighbourhood where it took place, but yet it deeply affects me still.

I live about 20 minutes northeast of the site, and I remember the night it took place - we were outside wrapping up a birthday celebration we were having for my boyfriend, when all of the sudden the ground shook and the sky lit up bright as day, with a red/orange glow. We all looked at each other and I remember saying "Since when is lightening red?" Before anyone could respond, another explosion lit up the sky and we knew there was something up. I immediately panicked - all I could think of was "terrorists" over and over in my head. My immediate impulse was to get in the car and drive north. My friends laughed at me and said it was probably nothing, but I knew that something was terribly wrong.

For the next hour, the sounds of explosions shook the sky literally every 8 to 10 seconds. We tried to call the non-emergency police line and got a busy signal for over half an hour, until finally we got through. All they could tell us was that the lines had been inundated with calls and emergency crews were doing "all they could" - of course, the dispatchers had no information. By this time I was in tears, shaking as hard as the ground felt beneath my feet. I'd never heard or witnessed an explosion before, and still at this point had no idea what the cause was.

I remember that day I witnessed something even more horrible than the explosion itself, which was the reaction that one particular member of our party had. Everyone deals with an emergency differently, and some do it by laughing it off or trying to pretend it's nothing, which in itself can be considered healthy as a means to reduce stress or shock. However, one particular person was having the time of his life, saying "wow this is like fireworks! Look at that sky, so cool! And it's free!" and literally sat back and sipped a mixed drink. I remember him saying "Karen, why are you so upset, enjoy this!" I could barely see him through my blurred eyes, and remember screaming that people could be dead or dying, loosing their homes, their cars, their pets. And he was having a laugh at it! My other friends, while not taking enjoyment out of it, were cool as a cucumber.

Today I read in the paper that the company which was responsible has not yet been charged, and there are still people who have not been able to return to their homes and have not yet been financially compensated for their losses. For a few weeks after, and even to this day, I find myself fearing a fire or explosion at nearly every turn. I have these gruesome day dreams that seem to appear randomly and out of nowhere, when I'm in a car, on a train, walking in a mall, etc., of random explosions going off, and the damage, and all the people who would be involved. It's interesting to me how it's conscious thought, and never occurs in a nightmare.

That day I lost a little faith in humanity, but also realized how lucky we are to live in a country that isn't wartorn or a target for terrorism or combat. That one experience has scarred me, to the point where I can't imagine what it would be like for someone who lives in Iraq or Afghanistan. I have much more respect for the armed forces and the civilians of those countries as a result of this experience. It is definitely one I will not soon forget.