Double Standard: Round 2

"[In the 1950's] daughters were instilled with different fears from those visited upon their male siblings. Occasional rhetoric condemned tomboys, but the real anxeity was not loss of sexual identity but loss of sexual control. Society put the burden of sexual purity on the female. Boys were expected to initiate, and the girl was suppose to decide what was appropriate. The boys were suppose to prove they were men, and the girls had to prove they were respectable. This belief was at the heart of the famous double standard."

- Douglas Owram, Born at the Right Time

It's over 50 years later, and this nasty injustice is still deeply engrained in the foundations of gender roles in contemporary society. Perhaps not entirely so cut and dry in terms of direct instruction by parents, teachers, and other authority, double standards of sexuality are still perpetuated to children starting at alarmingly young ages (think "boys play with G.I. Joes, and girls play with Barbie". Heaven forbid if one picks up the other). Although we have a term for it, can understand the inequality, and have "Girl Power" in the form of the Spice Girls, and groups like Destiny's Child hollering "I'm a survivor!" on our radios, we still can't get over or around it.

And when I say we, I mean us girls, because we're the ones getting the short end of the stick on this one. I hate to say it, but newest revelation is not going to make any advances in helping us out. So hold on to your garters girls, because I've discovered that even when you think you're nice and safe in your warm and fuzzy long-term relationship, you're only just beginning.

I've been with my boyfriend for years now, and I've noticed a strong and constant trend - nearly every girl that he knows/is friends with dislikes me, whether she's met me or not. Already, this is grounds for problems. What also doesn't help is that most of my boyfriend's friends are girls. Likewise, most of my friends tend to be guys (for this reason among others, I usually can't stand girls and just get along with guys better. Simply put, guys = less bull.). However there is a huge difference in our friends, as my guy friends have no problem with Justin. In fact, we often all hang out together and they have generally nothing to say but good things about him and our relationship.

My boyfriend gets super jealous and moody when guys call me or I make plans to go out with them. I've made concious efforts to say "hey, babe, let's all go out together", even changing days and times to correspond to his schedule. While he was in Whistler last year with drunk girls coming into his bedroom and mouthing off to me via cell phone at midnight, I was waiting patiently (and faithfully!) for his 5 month trip to end and return him to me. But lets get to the point at hand - my boyfriend knows my guy friends, and pretty well may I add. If he hasn't directly met them, he's heard me tell him pretty much everything there is to know - who he is, where me met, where we chill, what we do, etc. However, my boyfriend often gets calls on his cell phone from "Sarah" or "Nadia" or "Jessica" or God knows who else - girls names I've never heard of. He apparently thinks it's ok for him to say "I'm going out to dinner" and not specify with who or where. When his girlfriends have directly insulted me in front of him for little to no reason other than I exist, he's asked me "why won't you give her a chance?".

This is offically a whole other level of double standard. Perhaps this should be called the relationship double standard - once you think you're out of hot water, you realize you've just crawled into a bigger pot. I don't know about you, but I think I'm done being the wilting flower, and I think it may be time to fight fire with fire. Who's with me??