What I Want to Be When I Grow Up – The Real Deal

I used to have this book when I was a kid. Still do actually. I don’t know who gave it to me, or what age I was when I started contributing to it myself (a lot of the parental bookkeeping of cutesy keepsakes fell through when my parents got divorced, and I took up the slack)…anyway, I digress. It was a book that had one page per school grade, with a space for that year’s school photo, a few lines for age, height, school attended, best friend, favourite subjects, etc. etc. At the very bottom, dead centre, it had a space for the scribbled response to the enviable question every child is asked – “what do you want to be when you grow up?”

Not surprisingly, my responses changed by the year, very drastically may I add. For example, in grade 2 my answer was “Nurse – so I can help people” (not sic – my spelling has improved slightly since 1992), and by grade 4 it was “Ballet Dancer”. In grade 7 it was “Radio DJ” – which stayed my goal for a whole 3 years. Now that’s commitment.

Even as children, dreamers as we are with that familiar mantra “you can be anything you want to be” still ringing true, pre-concept of financial obligations, we are presented with a limited range of career options. Ask a group of kids what they want to be – guaranteed you won’t get many answers outside the range of doctor, dentist, fireman/policeman, singer, lawyer (P.S. why do kids say lawyer? Do they even know what that means?!). Point is, it isn’t until you’re well on your way to the end of your education, and into a career choice (forced upon you in grade 9 by career courses and pre-requisites), until you really realize the potential of career opportunities out there. And also when you simultaneously realize the reality that 99% of those opportunities are virtually impossible to obtain, make a life for yourself out of, live happily, retire happily, and be proud of life lived, all at once. Call me a pessimist – I see myself a realist.

That said – I came across a “which career path is right for you?” quiz today. Being bored at work, I figured I’d give it a go, hoping it would recommend me to “unemployed bum that charms the bank into filling her bank account bi-monthly while living a fruitful existence”. I was pleasantly surprised by the twist in this quiz, i.e. what do you REALLY want to be when you grow up? Let’s take a look, shall we?

1. What's on your nightstand? What books and magazines you're reading can be pretty telling about what turns your crank.

Ok, easy enough. A biography called “Rock On” by a young professional that dreams of working for a New York power house record company, but finds out that said record company life is nothing like the life of a rock star. The book is a reflection of the benign, pretentious existence of office life and those who dwell within it. I read the book, saw a reflection of every office job I’ve ever worked staring back at me, and felt sad. I left it in my bad for weeks before I had the courage to face it again.

But wait. That's NOT what turns my crank. What I usually have on my nightstand:

Biographies about people who live crazy, exciting, often drug and alcohol filled existences that allow them to reflect on their life, regret their haphazard existence, but wouldn’t change a thing.

Explanatory and self-help books by psychics who put the meaning of life and death and beyond into perspective.

Historical non/fiction about exciting events that happened at exciting places in history. And often how/when/if I can visit them.

2. Out of all your friends' jobs, which one are you most jealous of? Why?

I’m most jealous of my best friend’s job as a nurse. Because she gets to go to a job every day where, no matter how the day goes down - good or bad, long and tedious, or fast-paced and hectic – she’ll know at the end of the day that she made a difference in people’s lives. And also that there’s crazy demand for those in her field and she won’t likely have to worry about getting laid off or finding a new job.

3. What's the one thing you've been talking about doing forever that your friends are sick of hearing about?

Probably grabbing a working visa and travelling to Ireland or England and working there for a year or two. But because of the crappy market, my debilitating fear of change, and of not finding a job and having to run home with my tail between my legs, I haven’t done it.

Oh, and getting a dog. Saying how much I like dogs. Saying “I want a dog” over and over at random intervals in the day.

I want a dog.

4. What's the one off-the-wall, pie-in-the-sky job you've always wanted to try that no one knows about?

Being a travel agent. Ok, maybe that’s not off the wall enough. Being a travel writer that has an unlimited travel budget, gets to choose where she travels, stay as long as she wants, and write about whatever she wants.

5. If you could start any business or organization, or sell any service or ware, what would it be?

I’d start a travel company, kind of like Contiki, but one that has buses/trains coming and going through destinations at various times a day, so you’re not forced to leave a place on your tour if you’ve decided you haven’t seen/experienced enough there. The difference is you’d have meet up places with people on your tour, (i.e. booked on the same tour as you), so you can still travel with friends on your tour, but meet up with them on a later date and time if need be, and never feel like you’re missing out on an awesome experience in a foreign place because your tour has decided it’s time to up and leave (Hello, Glasgow. We never had the chance to get to know each other).

6. If you could work anywhere in the world, in any country or organization, where would it be? Doing what?

That’s a hard one. I’d say Dublin, Ireland doing whatever, just because I love it there. In fact, I'm pretty sure I could be a bum sitting on the street just looking around, day after day, watching the world go by, and be absolutely content with my life.

7. If "debt," "years," and "practical" weren't words in your vocabulary, what would you be doing now -- besides sipping margaritas on your own tropical island?

Travelling the world on my own watch, going where I want to and for however long feels right. And when that wore thin, I think I would finally have enough worldly experience to choose which career is right for me. Until then, those evil words “debt”, “bills”, “practicality”, on top of “societal pressure” will continue to push me down the path I’m on now – until, hopefully, a fork in the road presents itself toward some other, more fitting unknown.

Imagination Crunch Time

Well, this is my first march in years (4 to be exact, 8 if counting high school) that I haven't been ripping my hair out between work and finals at school. Everyone who graduated before me, and those who heard through the grapevine, promised me a splendiferious working life of coming home and having no homework/readings/papers/studying/etc. etc. to deal with. Ok, so it is pretty sweet - in theory.

But here I am, middle o March as a full-time working girl, bored and alone while all my school-workin friends are slaving away day and night. While I watch re-runs of Dog the Bounty Hunter and Jon and Kate plus 8 and contribute to the size of my ass.

Not having responsibilities ain't all it's cracked up to be. Remember having summer as a kid and by the end of it, being so bored out of your skull you actually looked forward to school starting again (keep in mind I'm the only child of a single mother who never went to summer camp or had the money to go out shopping every day with my friends. I hated those kids *grumble*). So now, those promised days of having freedom from the bonds of school work have become tedious hours thinking about how I should be doing something productive, but can't seem to wrap my head around what.

Just a warning to all those energetic, enthusiastic pre-gradutes out there: when you start working for a living 40 hours a week plus commuting time, you come home from work exhausted. I mean, any incling of energy you have left is spent making your dinner and thinking about what you you're going to wear/eat/do at work the next day. All you want to do is veg. And then the mind starts to go... you start to think thoughts like "what's the meaning of my life?", "Am I living life to the fullest?", and "did I use the last 3 hours playing video games and eating cheeze-its effciently?"

The answer to all is - damn. I miss school.

So while all of you bitch about having to write your papers, or study for your exams, think of me and all us working zombies who are slowly losing our minds in a state of endless lethargy.

I really need to get out more.

Suffering from the EOVBs

As of midnight tonight, it will have been offically 31 days since my last stint in a classroom at York University. 31 glorious days of relaxing, playing video games, eating wayyy too much food and generally being unproductive (minus my few short shifts at work, of course). I woke up this morning (I can honestly say morning, 11:57 am to be exact), and had this strange tingly weight in my chest. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, until a tension spread to my throat and up my serabelum into my brain - "F*CK. I have class tomorrow".

Since a quick google search revealed nothing of the sort, I've decided to put down on the record a name for said type of depression and ill feelings related to the days post-vacation: EOVB, or "End-of-Vacation-Blahs". You probably giggled at that, but I honestly think psychologists and doctors need to take these emotions into consideration. I'm sure you've all felt such feelings of anxeity, despair, dread, and general depression upon returning to work/school/both (as in my case, boo), after a period of "free-time". Personally, the feelings only last a few days, maybe a week or so dependant on the duration of the vacation. But I can imagine that someone already depressed or, even worse, with some sort of mental illness, would be seriously affected by end of vacation depression.

I don't know about you, but as much as I generally enjoy school, I feel like I'm dragging around a ball and chain today. Boo. EOVB for sure.