Well, it's that time of year again. Out with the old, in with the new. It's hard to believe last year at this time I was doing the same thing - sitting at my computer, blogging about the past 12 months of my life. It's funny how days, weeks, and months can seem like forever when we're actually living them. For example, the 5 months Justin was away in Whistler seemed like an eternity. I didn't think we were going to be able to make it through. Hell, there were times in all honesty I didn't think I was going to come out of it sane. But looking back on it, it really wasn't that big of a deal. Same with my job in the summer. I'm gonna come clean now - I hate working full time. HATE. Hate is a strong word, and I'm willing to use it a thousand times over when I describe my experiences doing the ol' 9 - 5, 5 days a week. I used to think it was because I was lazy, and I'm sure that's part of it (c'mon, you're trying to tell me that you wouldn't rather sleep or watch tv or do whatever it else you do with your time rather than getting up at 6 am to battle rush hour traffic, stare at a computer screen and have some jackass dictate what you're going to do today? Please. Spare me.) It's more so that life can become so tedious, so quickly. When you go to the same place everyday, do the same thing, go home and only look forward to going back 15 hours later, well, what kind of a life is that?
What I've really discovered about myself this year is this - I'm a lot stronger, at least mentally, than I thought I was. I crave structure and hate surprises/spontaneity, but I cannot and will not be able to pursue a career in a job in which I sit at a desk and do the same thing day in, day out. I've learned that I really have a super low tolerance for ignorant people. And that 95% of the people my age are just that. I've learned that I really need to be more tolerant of people, since unfortunately we're all at different stages and learning different lessons, and I can't judge people from the places I've been, the things I've seen and learnt, and what I think is right and wrong. Alternatively, I cannot let these people do the same with me.
I've learned to hold on to my friends dearly, as the last few years (and especially this year) has taught me that people are not always who they seem to be, and your dearest friend can turn into someone and something totally different at the drop of a hat. Love everyone but trust no one. I can't stress that anymore. Knowing that, love everyone who's there for you as much and as hard as you possibly can. So as 2007 leaves us, I find myself pondering a year in review - what I've accomplished, what I haven't, and where 2008 will find me. I'll be finishing school next year, and I have no bloody clue what to do next. 2008 could prove to be on of the scariest and surprised-filled years of my life. It's definitely the first where I'm unable to confidently look into the future and say "I'll be here next year" or "this will happen next year". But then again, with the state of the world and the way our lives can change in an instant, who truly can?
Happy new year. Don't be too hard on yourself this year.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Double OH Eight
Friday, December 28, 2007
<3
and the vermin of the world inhabit it
and its morals aren't worth what a pin can spit
and it goes by the name of London.
At the top of the hole sit the previlaged few
Making mock of the vermin in the lonely zoo
turning beauty to filth and greed...
I too have sailed the world and seen its wonders,
for the cruelty of men is as wonderous as Peru
but there's no place like London!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Step Off.
Other than the blackmark I've already discussed, Christmas went great this year. I did a lot of fun christmasy things with friends, had my family come down for dinner (as extremely disfunctional as they are - so disfunctional I feel uncomfortable discribing them over the Internet for fear of seriously offending someone), and went to Church. No seriously. One of my favourite parts about Christmas is going to Church on Christmas Eve. Nobody believes me when I say that, especially Justin's brothers - except that now I totally understand why. Before we move on....
DISCLAIMER: What I'm about to say is probably offensive to many people, especially Catholics. I have no problem with what people believe or don't believe, but remember - I except your opinion so please except mine. That said, don't say I didn't warn you...
When I was younger I used to go to Church every Sunday with my mom and our family friends. Funny thing is my family was no where near religious, except for celebrating the obligatory holidays that most "Christian" families celebrate (Christmas, Easter, etc.). Looking back on it, I think it was mainly a way of keeping in contact with these friends whom my mother used to work with before she got pregant with me and moved to her current place of work. And also to get away from my father, who I don't think stepped into a Church after his wedding, and probably never will again. Good thing too, because I'm pretty sure with his track record in his treatment of my mother and me, a lightning bolt would come fly out from the cross and he'd turn to dust, much in the way a vampire is destroyed when it enters a home uninvited. Moving on...
Point is, we stopped going after my parents were divorced and I grew a little older. I've never been religious but I've always inately believed in God. There are many things I've never believed that are projected by Priests and the Bible - things I never believed even before I ever had a solid understanding of religion. These are truths that resonate at the bottom of my soul.
A few of the most significant are:
1) There is no such thing as hell
2) There is no such thing as the devil
3) Humans reincarnate. The reason we are here on earth is to learn a specific lesson or set of lessons to progress our eternal soul's experience and knowledge before we return to the Afterlife and God's presence
And lastly, and perhaps most importantly: I do not need to be in a Church to talk to God, and I do not need some blessed Priest or other Holy Person to talk to him for me.
That being said (and which lies at the base of the rant I'm gearing up for :), I still go to Church every Christmas Eve. The Church we attend now is in Scarbourgh, with the same people we attended with back in the day. It's a different Church, but of the same caliber. It's neither Catholic nor Anglican nor Methodist or any other of those sects. The term "Baptist" is in its name, but I like to call it "Non-Donominational" because it's very open and informal. It's a sort of "attend, listen, pray, do what you gotta do and take what you will or won't from it". This Church's Christmas Sermon includes singing carols, listening to a few choice Bible verses describing the birth of Jesus, and a few less traditional christmas stories. This year there was a story called "Missing Jesus" (I don't know why but I had to keep myself from laughing at that title...all I could think was....HOLY SHIT baby Jesus is missing! God is gonna be sooo pissed...) which was about a plastic jesus doll which was missing from a nativity scene and ultimately brought together one well-off family with another desparate and needy family on Christmas Eve. Another called "Why the Pine Tree is an Evergreen" spoke of a few Christian morals of accepting and assisting all who are needy and ill - you know, good karma and all that. Then we light candles and turn the lights of the church down, and we say a prayer for the coming year.
There is no talk of guilt or fear of God, there is only messages of love, peace and the spirit of Christmas, and how to apply it to everyday life. Each and every person in attendance is there due to an inheriant love of God. Let's fast forward to the Anglican Mass, which I attended later in the evening with Justin's family.
(Pssst...here comes to the contraversial part)
Super quick history of the Anglican faith: in 15 -something, King Henry VIII was a horny bastard and desparately wanted a son he believed his current wife couldn't produce. Cue hot babe who desparately wants to be Queen and knows how to manipulate said King. Said king wants to marry said hot babe, but can't due to his current marriage to his wife. King Henry then goes to the Pope and asks for a divorce. Pope cries BLASPHEMY, and King Henry denounces him as a heretic and turns his back on the Catholic Church (the one and only large Church at the time). Henry is excommunicated by the Pope, and Henry decides to take his ball and go home and make a "better" Church - one where the Bible is translated into English, and one where people can worship without the need to "speak" to God through a Priest.
This new faith called "Protestant" quickly grew within England, and then the rest of the world (and caused many a fued). It does hold a lot of the Catholic traditions however, including my favourite - good ol' Catholic guilt. What I mean by that is that the Church and its sermons and instructions on how to worship God is set up to make you feel guilty for living, at least in my eyes. For example, this sermon I attended Christmas Eve included a section where the congregation was made to repeat something called Confession of our Sins. It went something like this...
Dear Jesus - I'm not worthy of living. I have committed sins and against you and against others. I have not lived the way you want me to live. I promise not to do bad things anymore - at least until the next time I have to repeat this same bull-ish again next sunday.
Sounds harsh I know. But I'm sorry - God put us on this Earth to make mistakes and learn from them. "To err is human". I understand that Jesus died for our sins, but I don't believe Jesus or God wants us to live our lives in constant fear of displeasing him. Nor to I believe that God cares if I'm baptized (which, I'm sure you've guessed by now, I'm not). On the back of the pamphlet given to us before the sermon, it read: "If you are baptised, please come to the front of the alter to recieve Holy Communion. If you are not, feel free to recieve I blessing". Needless to say, I declined the offer. I also don't believe that God cares whether or not I was dunked underwater when I was too young to speak or understand the ritual. If I love God and want recieve his body as he claims in the bible, why should I be excluded. And for that matter, what kind of religion excludes certain people from others? Is this not essentially saying that God loves some of his children more than others?
I'm sorry, but one thing I definately know is true - God loves everyone and everything he created equally. And no "Holy" person is going to tell me differently.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Blue Christmas
I often experience things on a semi-regular basis that make me loose a little more faith in humanity each time, yet I experienced something last night that truly takes the cake. Before leaving for Christmas Eve mass, I had my purse, wallet, digital camera and cell phone stolen from my boyfriend's house. I had left it on the table on the foyer while I took off my coat and put his present under the christmas tree, and when I came back to get it, it was already gone. The digusting excuse for a human being that took it is a rich little 16-year-old punk that came into the house to buy alcohol off of Justin's little brother for a party, and clearly picked it up off the table on his way out.
The two worst things about it are not that I had my digi cam stolen for the second time this year (the first was from a club when I put the camera down in the bathroom and left it - totally my fault, I understand), and that I had to cancel my credit cards and now have to apply for new health cards, driver's license, and everything else that was in there. Or that I have to buy a new cell phone. The worst is that the kid is loaded, doesn't have to work for anything he has or will get anytime soon, and probably has no use for an old Moto Razr (he probably has the Razr 2 by now if anything) and a digi cam he can't even use once the battery is dead. It's also Christmas, for God's sake. That's the effing lowest you can possibly get, I'm sorry.
After tearing a house apart which I was only in for less than 5 minutes for it to go missing, Justin's brother has given the kid's phone number to Justin, who has promised to harrass this kid until he fesses up. Which I don't think will happen, but it's worth a try. My mom wants me to go to the police, but I'm sure they have better things to do than investigate some chick's stolen purse. I don't blame them.
What I wonder is what has the world come to? What motivates people to do the despicable things they do? When we in the Western world have so much, and yet we cannot resist the temptation for more. If I've learned anything from this its the sad truth that you really can trust no one, not even in an environment that in your mind is safe and secure and loving. It's a harsh reality I think we all need to face on a day when love and peace is at its apparent pinnacle.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Scrooged.
Speaking of a snowball's chances, the only thing that got me through last week's huge snowstorm and the hours of back-breaking snowshovelling was the guarantee of a white christmas. At least I thought it was a guarantee, considering the snow up to my shins and the pile 
of snow in the backyard offically taller than me by the end of two snow shovellings. Coldest fall in years, and the days before Christmas *poof* highs of 10 and torrential downpours. Remeber at the beginning of the post I said I'm not a pessimist, its just that Murphy's Law is always in effect? Yea, I hate to say I todaso...
A lot of people really don't understand what retail workers go through during the holidays. I've worked part-time retail at Christmas for the past 5 years. First of all, when you're part-time you get stuck with the shitty hours no one else wants - late shifts, christmas eve, boxing day (absolute worst by far!). I haven't had a boxing day off since...probably since I was 16. Not that I'm complaining, in fact I'd rather work and get paid time and a half. Point is - it's absolute choas. A note to all those planning on shopping this christmas and boxing day:
Number 1: It's going to be busy. GASP - you may have to wait in a line. This may take up to 5 more minutes out of your day than you'd usually experience. Additionally, the product(s) you are looking for may be sold out. The staff at the store you're working in are still recovering from their busy christmas day with their families, just like you. They've probably been up since 5 am, to arrive at the store to prep for its early openings. They probably been yelled at, pushed, and talked down to several times before you're arrival. No one is holding a gun to your head, making you shop on some of the busiest days in the year. If you can't take the heat, get the hell out of the kitchen and make it more comfortable for the rest of us who don't have a choice.
My point is, retail workers are people too (that sounds like something else that should be on Mr. Snowman's posterboard). They're all exhasted from the holidays, so do them a favour. Don't rush up to the front of the line and say "I only have one item", then roll your eyes and give them attitude when they tell you to get in line. Be patient, say thank you. You don't know how much we appreciate it.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Christmas Escapades
Ok, so not even a full week into my blog's creation and I've already failed to maintain my goal of at least one post a day. Boo. I guess this is going to be harder than I thought, especially since this I'm not even in school at the moment. But I suppose my excuse is semi-valid, since it 's growing ever-nearer to Christmas day and I've been out doing lots of fun holiday things.
Yesterday I finally made it over to Casa Loma to see their Christmas display. For those of you who may not be blessed enough to live in Toronto (that's right, I went there!), Casa Loma is about the closest thing we Torontonians have to a castle in Ontario. Being a huge castle/manor home enthusiast, I especially love visiting during Christmas because the "castle" (more like small mansion with Victorian-style decor) is decorated with christmas trees and themed displays. This year was Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. Here's a few pics:
As beautiful as the place is, I'd have to say that I've still been throughly disappointed the past few years that I've gone around Christmas. I used to go every year when I was a kid before my parent's were divorced, and they used to put a lot more into the decorations and themed events. Then again, it could just be my age and the loss of the "magic" of the place, I don't know. I'm still a pretty big kid, especially around Christmas, so I sincerely doubt it. However, it's a great place to visit and I highly recommend you do before the end of the season!
To finish off the night, John Justin and I, along with Justin's dad, went down to Yuk Yuks for a night of laughs. John Dore, that homeless-looking dude from the show of the same name on the Comedy Network was headlining which was a treat. We sat dead front row, so we knew we were going to be the brunt of a lot of jokes. John got Justin and I good because we had our arms around each other the whole show, as if we expected a nuclear holocaust to hit at any moment and wanted to be prepared for the blast that may separate us. No one got hit as many times as Justin's dad though. I guess that's what you get for looking so akin to Santa Claus considering the season and wearing a denim suit in the front row.
Anyway, I met John after the show to tell him that his show is boring, but his stand up piss-your-pants funny (I probably would have come close if I had anything in my bladder. And I would of, if in the 90 minutes of our table's service light being on the waitress had visited us even once). He told me that when the sun and planets revolve around me, as they appear to in my mind, then the show will change to fit my standards. Great fun :)
I have to say I'm having a great holiday this year. Last year Justin was in Whistler, and a lot of friends who I expected to be there for me weren't. This year I feel especially blessed. Last year was one of the hardest years of my life, but 2007 has proven to have made up for any hardship and more. I have my health (well sort of) and my friends and family. Who could ask for anything more? Except maybe a white Christmas (Please? :)
I'll close this post with the words of Ozzy Osbourne:
Crazy, but that's how it goes.
Million of people living as foes.
Maybe its not too late,
To learn how to love and forget how to hate.
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train...and I like it! Lates.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
I Call Him Gamblor!
Go Seat Belt!!
I never bet much, the minimum is $2. I know the basics -the higher the odds, the bigger the payout - based on a bet of win (the horse comes first place), place (the horse comes in second place), or show (the horse comes in first, second, or third). So we sit down, and buddy next to us is on his cell phone talking smack about how so-and-so horse is shit, and this-and-that race didn't have a big enough payout. Mega gambler, self-proclaimed big shot. Anyway, John and I are staring blankly at the next race available, basically choosing horses based on cool names (like Seat Belt, Takealookatthoselegs, Irish Buzz, Autumn Victory, and Homer Simpson), and he gets talking to us. Long story short, the guy was pure jokes. But scary - knew every track availble like the back of his hand, knew each horse and it's rider, and how each horses' number affected their place on the track. Turns out he won 550 bucks alone that night on two seperate races - races he had bought the brochure for the day before, and studied each race and horse over night.
So, my conclusions. One: gambling pays, if you know how it do it. Two: When you leave the racing house to beeline it to the strip club alone on a tuesday night, are you up or down by the end of the night? Winner....or loser?
Oh, out of 4 or 5 races, I picked one winning horse and won 80 cents. Boo yea grandma.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Technorati
Technorati Profile
So I set up my blog with a blog finder. Technorati allows you to include your blog in a searchable database, adding tags so people can search blogs with certain themes or common interests.
My blog currently sits at the 8, 911,336th rank. Whatever that means....but I somehow don't think that's good.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Tickle Me Emo
So after one post, I've gotten my first bit of feedback. WooT! Mind you, it was from a close friend who I basically posted the link to and said "hey, read this, NOW". Forced reading doesn't count....or does it? I think if I stick to my goal of posting everyday from now until the end of the semester next year, and I'll just see where things take me and go with the flow. The plan is no plan. Nice...
So, my feedback was (understandibly looking back) that I sounded "a bit emo". Ok, I deserved that. But then I would be about the biggest hypocrit going considering I make fun of emo kids left, right and centre (and above! ^^). In reality though, I'd say I'm much closer to what I like to call a "Realist".
It all started years ago. I remember back when I was dating my first boyfriend. I'm still convinced his mother was the female heir to the throne of Satan himself, and she hated me. To hate a thirteen-year-old girl, to verbally put her down, give her the silent treatment and lock her out of the house (not to mention leave her stranded on the side of the road when she finally gets up the guts to tell you where to go and how to get there), I should have realized the lady was loony toons and not taken a word or glance of her's seriously. I still remember how hurt and confused I was when my boyfriend uttered the words down the phone line one not-so-speical evening "so my mom told the family over dinner tonight that you're a pessimist, and a bad influence on me".
A pessimist? Me? Happy, dorky me? I admit my humour is dry and I'm a tad sarcastic (k, maybe a little more than a tad), but I never once thought of myself as a pessimist. They say if you're called a name or told you're something that you're not, you just let it go and it doesn't bother you. But this bothered me. Till this day, it still does. Throughout the years of my adolescence, I continued now and then to be labelled as a pessmist, and then yesterday as "emo". But I finally figured it out one day, it just came to me. I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist.
I don't think the worst, but I understand that life is unfair, disparity is rampant, nothing is promised, and Murphy's Law is surprisingly accurate. I don't see the glass as half empty or half full, I just know that whatever's left should be enjoyed as who knows how long it'll be there until it's taken away. For exmaple, take a story I read from Ozzy Osbourne's autobiography earlier this evening - Ozzy has abused drugs and alcohol for nearly 30 years, and had frequent unprotected sex with strangers on a regular basis in his youth. He has lived the rock-and-roll lifestyle for decades and admits that he should be dead. A friend of his who lived on the straight and narrow fell out of a window to what should have been a guarenteed death. He miraculously recovered, then proceeded to die the day after leaving the hospital in a car crash.
Point is - life isn't a dress rehersal, this is the real deal. There's no practicing, so take it seriously and realize that this moment could be your last. Don't take bullshit, appreciate everything you have, and get your damn head out of the clouds and get real.
I'd say that's my motto. Give everyone a chance. Get what you give in return. And always remember that when it comes down to it, it's every man for himself. So be selfish, look out for number one, and when life tries to screw you, screw back.
Post the First - The Beginning
So this is it. Post uno. The beginning of my little experiment.
So let me warn you first and foremost. I'm your ordinary, run-of-the-mill 20-something student from Toronto. Although some (definitely not many), would argue otherwise, I'm nothing special. In fact, I'm probably less ordinary than most, but in a negative way - due to the fact that I don't do much. I have no special talents, nor interesting hobbies. I have few significant qualities that may make me stand out from the crowd. I'm just me, take me or leave me, love me or hate me.
Living the life of the average girl-next-door has not been easy. You know those people who act out to get attention, not caring whether its positive or negative? That's never been me, but I've been that everygirl long enough to know why one would do such a thing. So here I am, starting a blog. A blog that will feature the ramblings and rants of a boring, average-in-every-way girl. I promise no more and no less, so don't tell me you weren't warned. Turn back now while you still can.
See you tomorrow...
